Two worlds
by JanetAndrews
Summary: Sometimes you need a push in the right direction and so does Clarisse. Slightly AU with a crossover to a character most Julie fans will know. Focussed on the love story between Joseph and Clarisse updated with chapter 3 and 4. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

_Hey gang, this is my entry for the mix and match challenge. I tried to come up with what moved this character to make her choices. In my opinion she needed a push in the right direction and as in real life -- it comes from an unexpected angle. I wrote this one as a one shot but I have to admit that I still have this story in my head. And I know myself, I'll probably won't be able to let this go but I need some time to think about it. Meanwhile, I can only hope that you will like this chapter. Now I will stop babbling and I present you;_

Two Worlds.

Every time the car made one of those unexpected dives or climbs her stomach turned and a sudden wave of nausea shot through her, causing her to close her eyes and exhale slowly. No she wasn't fond of this way of driving around, she much preferred a calm and steady road where she could read or at least focus on pressing matters that always were at hand. And yet, there was something appealing about those same sharp turns and unexpected dives. They intrigued her and surprised her and she couldn't help admitting that not knowing what turn lay ahead had a certain form of attraction for her. Too bad she couldn't handle it all that well, the next wave of motion sickness reminded her of that and maybe it was exactly the reason she was sitting in the backseat of her metallic gold Mercedes. Her driver, Sam, had never asked her why on earth she needed to leave the house quite unexpectedly today. Neither had he pushed her to at least wear a warmer outfit when she stepped outside and shivered in her thin black coat and wrapped her scarf closer around her neck. He always accepted her decisions without question and she appreciated that in him, she even considered thanking him for his discretion, although she realized that he had orders from his superior not to criticize or examine. Maybe she should thank the superior in that case. She rolled her eyes when she realized she was back at the beginning of her circle of thoughts. The never-ending circle that drove her insane at unwanted and unexpected moments, at one moment considering one possibility and the next second wondering what on earth she was doing.

She closed her eyes when the car made a final dip and mumbled a word of thanks when the engine was shut off and she heard the familiar sound of Sam's footsteps coming closer. Suddenly a nervous feeling came over her when she realized once again that she was taking a certain risk with this. And yet, when her car door was opened and her shoe touched the solid ground, the nervousness was overshadowed by a deep-rooted desire for the relief of the wind in her hair and mind. She felt it right away as she took a few careful steps as the sand grated under her shoes. A cool salty early evening breeze blew around her and it revitalized her; she blinked a couple of times and inhaled deeply. Oh, how much she loved the ocean and how much she longed to be part of nature if only for a little while. She smiled briefly but gratefully when Sam nodded at her and he took a few steps back, folding his arms in front of his body and striking the comforting pose she knew by heart. He gave her space but he was close at the same time and that was all she needed now.

Carefully and with a happy pounding heart she stepped on the sand of the beach, feeling her heels sink away in the loose sand immediately and she rolled her eyes that it never occurred to her to change her footwear. Frowning impatiently she kicked off her black heels and she kneeled down to pick them up, letting them dangle in her hand while her toes sank deeper in the cool sand. The cool wind blew her hair back as she slowly approached the shore; the mysterious blue mass of the ocean spread out before her eyes and she sighed deeply when she held still. Not a living soul paid attention to her, two young men were jogging along the shore and they didn't even turn their heads when they passed her. Behind her the happy bark of a dog was a vague sound in her ears and its owners amused themselves by throwing a ball back and forth. Nobody seemed to know or wanted to bother her here and a wonderful sensation of freedom tingled through her veins. The glittering surface seemed to wink at her as she gazed into the distance, the last beams of the sun reflected on the water like stars in a clear winter night. When she turned her head to glance at the coastline she saw just a hint of the fog that was so typical of this town, very often the shore wasn't even clearly visible so she considered herself lucky. In the far distance she noticed a little fog though and it prevented her from looking too far ahead and in a way that was a relief. She wasn't in the mood to look far ahead anyway; these tiny little steps were mind blowing enough already and she felt an unbelievable flood of relief enveloping her like a dive in the cold ocean. Slowly she turned, finding a comfortable spot to sink her feet in the loose sand near the water and she started to walk. She enjoyed the exercise, the urge to feel she was alive and fit was unbearable at times and God knew she needed this time alone, every fibre in her body begged for release of at least some of the tension that had possessed her lately. Her neck was tensed constantly, the muscles in her shoulders protested every time she made a sudden movement and a faint headache had been teasing her for so long that she didn't even know when it had started. She couldn't even remember a delightful time anymore, all she did lately was frown and worry, buried in glum thoughts ever since the day the truth had hit her ruthlessly – she was on her own. She alone must make the life changing decisions that had an impact on the entire country and she alone must fulfil the duties and responsibilities that were part of her every day life. But she could handle that if it weren't for the knowledge of being alone in mourning, there was nobody close enough to share it with. And even with so many people surrounding her throughout most of the day, this pain she had to go through alone and she knew it.

Sometimes the hurt and grief overwhelmed her, there were even times in which she couldn't explain to herself how she could carry on but she always seemed to manage; her polite and professional smile seemed to be painted on her face and she allowed no one to rinse it off. And yet, alone at night, she had cried so often that she had come to a point that she couldn't decide what she was crying about. She guessed it was everything combined; the sudden deaths of her son and husband, the worries if the one person that could stop her country from disaster was indeed ready for it – and then there was the main reason she was walking here. Suddenly she stopped in her tracks, feeling the cold sensation of sea water touching her bare feet as the wind blew just a little harder. She dropped her shoes in the cold sand and hugged her small frame, trying to protect herself from the cold that seemed to come from everywhere now and she closed her eyes. She knew all too well that the main reason she couldn't stay in the house today was his presence. His warm eyes that begged her to open up her soul simply by meeting her gaze seemed to follow her everywhere she went and she had always treasured that. His presence was so familiar and so comforting that one night she had realized that she couldn't even imagine living her life without him anymore. And it was exactly that thought that had startled her. The realization that someone was able to knock her off balance caused a chain reaction of confused feelings inside her. In her position she simply couldn't allow anyone to do that, she was supposed to keep control in all circumstances and there was no way she could allow him to break her. Her hands came up to cover her face and she shook her head. His job was to keep her safe but this way she didn't feel safe at all.

"Come on now, it can't be all that bad!"

Within a split second her body froze and her eyes shot open. As if in slow motion she turned around to see an unknown man walking towards her at a slow, easy pace and he was waving with something. For a second she was paralyzed, not prepared for contact so unexpectedly but she collected herself when she recognized what he was holding.

"My scarf… oh my, I never realized I lost it!" she gasped, taking in the man who had now reached her and handed her the soft fabric. He was about her age; about 6 ft tall, his face had a hint of sunburn and two friendly eyes met her inquiring look from underneath a white cap. She hesitated but not long; from the corner of her eye she saw Sam coming closer and instinctively she raised her hand; there was no need for interference or high security actions yet. He stopped.

"I had to jump to catch it, I think I strained a muscle so it better be an expensive one!" the stranger grinned, stroking his back with a painful grimace.

"Oh now I feel bad, does it hurt?" she gasped unsettled but he waved off her concern.

"Nah don't worry, I just thought that you would like to have it back," he said and turned his head to glance at the sparkling sea. "Lovely day isn't it? You came to watch the sunset too?"

She nodded and followed his gaze, blinking happily at the sight. "Yes, I adore the ocean and I try to catch at least one sunset wherever I go." She smiled. "It's like a painting isn't it? Blue, red, yellow… all those warm colours blend to become a dreamy fantasy…"

He chuckled. "My daughter says that when someone is describing something as vividly as you just did, that this person has to be an artist. Do you paint or something?"

"Eh no. Well I…" she started but stopped mid-sentence when he interrupted her.

"I'm sorry, you talk on but I need to sit down for a moment. My back is killing me here!"

He took a few steps back and sat down on the dry sand, wrapping his arms around his knees. Then he looked up at her. "You were saying?"

She chuckled, she couldn't help it. It was such an unexpected event but at the same time something felt familiar about the whole situation. He was acting so free that she was sure that he had no idea who she was and that thought relaxed her. "I eh…used to paint when I was younger, I don't have time for that anymore sadly. But I admire people who do, who take the time to keep doing it really."

"Busy lady huh? Yeah we're all busy these days, it's part of life," he nodded, stretching his back once again. "Ah this is better, I think I'll stay here for a while." For a moment he was silent but then his face lid up. "Hey, come sit down and keep me company! It's the least you can do since I brought back your scarf right?" He patted on the sand next to him and looked up at her again, his eyes had a boyish twinkle she noticed.

"You want me to sit there?" she asked, shaking her head and stroking over the soft fabric of her skirt. "Surely I can't…"

"Why the hell did you wear such a fancy outfit to the beach anyway?" he frowned, pointing at her black dress. "Never heard of slacks and a sweater?"

"I had no time to…" She stopped and bit back her remark, why was she giving him an explanation?

"Come and sit down, you can pat the sand right off. You don't know what you're missing!"

Later she wouldn't able to understand why she sat down but she did. It was like the Queen inside her had been called away and an unknown carefree woman had replaced her. It was a part of her that clearly needed more attention she realized.

"That's it, that wasn't so hard now was it?" he grinned and she turned her head to smile at him. Her smile faded when he continued: "Now, what's a lady like you doing on a deserted beach in San Francisco? You live here? You sound European."

"I'm from Europe, yes," she nodded and decided that this answer should be enough. She turned her head to feel the warmth of the setting sun in her face again. The sky was turning into a deep shade of purple now. "And as I said, I like sunsets and try to catch one wherever I go."

"So you travel a lot huh?" he glanced quickly over his shoulder and suddenly his eyes widened. "Now it makes sense to me. That guy with the sunglasses a few feet away from us, is he watching out for you? Are you a celebrity or something?"

She smiled amused and decided to be honest. "Or something," she repeated, hearing how he whistled softly between his teeth but he never showed surprise or excitement. He probably didn't care what or who she was and it was such a relief. "So what about you? What's a man like you doing alone on a deserted beach in San Francisco?"

"I'm visiting my brother," he said, "It's his 65th birthday so I decided to come for a visit with him for the occasion."

"And you were tired of eating birthday cake and having drinks so you decided to take a walk?" she asked while her hands played absentmindedly with the sand around her; letting it slip away between her fingers.

"Bingo. Hey, your guard won't shoot me for talking to you right?"

She shook her head but her eyes twinkled. "Only when I ask him to." When he frowned she couldn't suppress a laugh. "Don't worry, he's harmless when you are."

For a moment it was silent and she breathed in deeply, she was actually enjoying herself. Although the circumstances were rather odd but somehow it seemed to fit perfectly. She was even chatting, it had been ages since she'd been relaxed enough to do that.

Her thoughts wondered off to another place and time again. To the person who had tried so often to get her to stop and talk to him but she never allowed him. But she wanted to, oh how much she longed to talk to him like they used to back in the old days. Back in the time when they could be friends without consequences, when they could talk for hours without hidden meanings or double layers. Back then she had always dared to be honest with him because there was nothing to be secretive about. And now…no matter how many times she thought things over; fact was that something had changed between them and she wasn't just his Queen anymore. She was also a single woman now and that knowledge, whether she acted it out or not, had changed something for the both of them. She had felt it tingling in her veins when they were alone, she had seen a hint of desire in his eyes when he thought she hadn't seen him, she had felt the tension in the air around them. They both knew there was something evolving between them and they also knew that the other felt it too. Yet, not one word regarding that subject had been spoken.

"So, who's the guy?" In a snap she was back in the here and now and she glanced aside, staring at the man next to her confused.

"What did you just say?" She needed to hear it again.

"Come on now. You're a woman, dressed in a fancy outfit, and you were standing in the ocean with your hands in front of your eyes. That means either troubles with a man or loosing a fortune in the casino. But when I look at your necklace I don't think that money is the problem here. So, what did he do?"

She laughed but it didn't sound sincere. "Sir, I have no intention to…" she started but when she met his dark amused eyes she swallowed her sentence and finally sighed deeply. "He didn't do anything." She couldn't believe she was telling him this but she couldn't take back the words that escaped from her lips.

The man nodded. "So you're the problem here?"

"Do you always ask such personal questions when you hardly know someone?" she asked, with a sharp unmistakably present edge in her voice.

He didn't seem to sense the tone and without hesitation he answered. "Yeah I do actually." When she rolled her eyes annoyed he chuckled. "Look, if you don't want to discuss it it's fine by me. You just look like you need someone to talk to."

She blinked and stared at him in absolute surprise. He had taken off his cap now and his dark hair appeared, he tried to comb it with his hands but failed miserably. After a few seconds of silence she opened her mouth to speak again, she couldn't believe she felt the urge to defend herself but she did.

"It's not a matter of _who_ the problem is. What he wants from me is impossible."

"The impossible – what nobody can do until somebody does," he stated. "So you two aren't an item yet?" He frowned now. "Is one of you married?"

She shook her head. "It's far more complicated than that. And no, we're not an item."

He smiled briefly. "I think we're at a certain age that no relationship comes without complications. You could consider it as a challenge to make it work. Is he a good guy?"

Blood rushed to her cheeks. "Yes, but…"

"Are there feelings involved?"

She couldn't even answer that question to herself and she turned her head towards the ocean again. The sun was almost gone now.

"Of course there are feelings involved, otherwise you wouldn't be here," he stated and she sighed deeply in response to that, she couldn't even deny it.

"Look, are you married?" she asked, glancing at his folded hands but she saw no wedding ring.

"I have been, yes. My wife died a few months ago," he answered. He ignored her inquiring look and stared straight ahead.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "My husband passed away last year too and my son just recently. I know what it's like."

His eyes widened and turned his head towards her again but this time she ignored him by staring in the distance. "Oh god, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, "Nobody should have to go through that, it's unnatural to outlive your child."

She nodded and swallowed with difficulty. "I know." It was right there that she realized that, although on a different level, her life wasn't as different than anybody else's.

"This guy you were talking about…" he said in a serious tone as she turned her head to meet his gaze again. He wasn't smiling anymore.

"Yes?"

He seemed to think for a while before he spoke again. "Does he make life easier for you?"

Lots of images shot through her mind in the few seconds she considered his question. Images of countless cups of tea, even in the middle of the night, snippets of conversations when nobody was around, his warm hand on her back as he guided her through an intimidating crowd and at last she saw his warm eyes. The same eyes she had run away from today gave her a warm sensation in the cold solitude of the beach right now. Suddenly she felt the urge to talk to him as soon as possible. When she blinked she saw a different pair of eyes staring at her, the stranger was waiting for an answer.

"Yes," she said but her voice came out like a hoarse whisper. "Yes he makes it easier."

He shrugged. "Then why not let him?"

"But…" She shook her head and he lifted his hand to stop her.

"Look," he said, "there will always be reasons that will hold you back from making a choice. It's easier _not_ to act than to act, especially at our age. There are always other people to consider, other interests to be taken at heart or circumstances to be altered and yet, at the end of the day they don't matter anymore." He smiled now. "It seems to me that you've been given the chance for a little happiness again, all you have to do is take it."

"I wish it were that easy," she said softly. "I really wish it were that easy."

He smiled at her. "It is. Believe me, I've been there."

For a moment they glanced at each other and she smiled at him, wanting to say so much but somehow it felt that everything was said already. He seemed to feel the same way because after a quick glance on his watch he got up and she followed his example. It was getting dark fast now. Her hands brushed her dress, trying to leave all the sand on the beach and not take it home with her.

When she was done he extended his hand at her. "Well I gotta go. Maybe we'll meet again some day, another place, another sunset. Who knows?"

She accepted his hand, not knowing how to act all of a sudden. But his hand felt warm and comforting and she shook it without hesitation.

"Thank you," she muttered and to her embarrassment she felt that she was blushing. "For my scarf and eh…everything."

He nodded in a friendly manner. "Take care famous lady, don't keep your guard waiting." He glanced aside and waved at Sam who clearly decided that enough was enough and he came walking into their direction now. She only had a few minutes before she would be forced back in her role as the queen.

"Wait," she said when the man turned around. She smiled at him. "You never told me your name, when we meet at another sunset I'd like to be able to address you properly."

He smiled back and folded his arms. "I'm Robert Woodward, at your service ma'am. What about you?"

She hesitated, immediately regretting that she had asked his name but then she inhaled deeply. "I'm Clarisse," she said, "just…Clarisse."

He raised a brow but accepted her answer with twinkling eyes. With a nonchalant gesture he put on his cap again and nodded at her, extending his hand for the last time. "Well just Clarisse, I wish you the very best. Be careful with your scarf next time."

Sam was almost there, she had to hurry. "I will. Goodluck with your back!"

"Thanks… Clarisse."

With that he smiled one last time and finally turned around and walked away from her, saluting at Sam when he passed him. She picked up her shoes and straightened her back when her driver approached her and she felt the expression on her face change. The Queen was back.

"You majesty, is everything all right?" Sam asked, stepping aside to let her pass in the direction of the waiting car.

She turned her head one last time to see a lonely figure slowly disappearing in the foggy darkness and she smiled. She threw her scarf closer around her neck and started to walk. "Not yet but it will be. Take me home Sam, I need to talk to someone."

_TBC.. I think..._


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm back with an update because I couldn't leave them alone... as I expected :). Thank you for all your lovely reviews and I can only hope that this chapter will please you again. I forgot to say earlier, I do not own any of the characters I used in this fanfic and I don't money from this. I wish I were though!_

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He peeked through the curtains one more time with the cell phone glued to his ear and he swore under his breath when again, the line was busy. He couldn't believe she left without telling anyone where she went and even worse, that Sam never reported their departure to him. That guy was in serious trouble, that much he swore to himself as he dialled the number again.

"Do you want coffee?" Charlotte's voice disturbed his pondering but he didn't look up, he simply shook his head as a silent answer because coffee was just about the last thing on his mind. When he felt her hand on his shoulder he frowned.

"I wouldn't worry if I were you," Charlotte said softly as she peeked through the window as well, "she hasn't been gone for that long and besides, she has a meeting with Mayor Brown first thing tomorrow so she won't stay out late. I'm sure they'll be back soon."

"I'm not worried, I'm doing my job," he answered bluntly and he hung up his phone with an angry gesture after one more failing attempt. "Dammit Sam, where the hell are you?"

"He took the Mercedes; I heard her Majesty say that she didn't want the limousine. They're probably taking a walk or something where there's no signal. Or Sam is calling his wife and her majesty…" When he turned around to frown at her she raised her hands in defense. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger!"

He clenched his jaw as he left his place at the window to rush to the main door, grabbing his jacket from the coat rack on his way out. "I'll be in touch, it's of no use to wait around here."

"Joe," Charlotte shouted and she came walking in his direction, touching her earpiece doing so. "Joseph!"

He stopped, holding on to the doorknob but he didn't bother to turn around. "What?"

"They're back."

He exhaled slowly when he heard the car pull up at the front of the house and reluctantly he stepped back, taking his position near the front door. Charlotte struck the same pose next to him and she smiled triumphantly at him. He didn't answer her gesture but simply pressed his lips together in annoyance. How was he supposed to work around here when nobody seemed to take things seriously? After a few seconds Charlie, the butler, went to open the door and he looked up, the elegant footsteps that were unmistakable hers crunched through the gravel as she made her way over.

"Good evening Charlie." Yes, the Queen had returned and, unlike him, she seemed to be in a good mood.

Her eyes immediately met his as she entered and he welcomed her; not smiling but nodding politely at her. She indeed looked better than she did this afternoon; at least she had a little colour on her cheeks and a smile curved her lips as she made her way through the living room. Her hair was even a little messy but it suited her.

"Good evening you majesty," Charlotte made a quick curtsey and approached her, probably to update her about pressing matters. Joseph didn't wait for this but left his spot to make his way out; Sam was probably parking the car and he had a few things coming from his superior.

"Joseph…"

For the second time in five minutes he stopped with the doorknob in his hand but this time he had to turn around and look at the person who called him.

"Ma'am?"

He raised a brow in surprise when she hesitated for a second, was he imagining things or did she seem nervous? She looked at him straight now. "Can I talk to you for a moment in my library?"

"Right now?" He didn't release his hand on the handle just yet.

She nodded. "Yes please."

With that she turned around and left the living room, her heels clicking at a fast pace along the smooth floor of the hallway. He still stood there, for a moment torn between the urge to scold his inferior and the obligation to follow her majesty's orders. Right now, with Charlotte and Charlie waiting for him to obey her wishes he had not much of a choice really.

As he made his way over to the privacy of her library he frowned, he couldn't deny that he was a bit surprised by her sudden invitation. It had been a long time since they had a true conversation and to be honest, he doubted if one would follow shortly. All they seem to discuss lately was work related, however the unspoken words sounded louder in his head each time they met. Something had changed somewhere between the sudden death of the King and where they were now.

If there was one characteristic Queen Clarisse had made uniquely hers it was that little personal touch in all her contacts. Everybody, whether it was the Prime Minister or the maid who made her bed, felt as if they had a personal connection with her simply because she reached out to them in her unique way. She knew the names of the children of the entire Royal Guard, she was aware of the troubles that Charlotte went through after her divorce and she would always, always ask Charlie how his wife was doing ever since her father passed away 6 months ago.

She was loved for her remarkable personal attention and if he were completely honest, he felt that he in particular had been given the privilege to know just a tad more about the woman behind the Queen. He had always felt that he was the only one she could frown at, who she could rant to, who she could blow off steam to and he loved to be in that special position. At least, that was how it used to be. Lately, her eyes that were once so warm, sparkling and alive seemed to be colder and emptier, keeping him and everybody else at a distance with all her strength and it confused him to know that he couldn't reach her anymore. They only discussed business these days, especially now she assigned him to look out for the safety of young Princess Mia and somehow he couldn't help but wondering why she made that decision. He wondered if she chose for this assignment because he was the best man for the job or because it suited her majesty's wish to be left alone. He couldn't put his finger on it but the ease of which they used to communicate was gone. Lately, he felt as if he was imposing on her privacy when he approached her and that thought unsettled him and made him feel uncomfortable. All there was left was tension really. Tension that neither he, nor anybody else could alleviate.

Her door was closed when he stepped around the corner and he knocked gently before he entered, waiting impatiently for her sign of approval. He found her standing behind her desk, going through a fresh stack of papers with an annoyed frown on her face and she looked up when he approached her. She glanced at him over the rim of her reading glasses and for a second he hoped to see a glimpse of the Clarisse he once knew so well. He knew this part of her was hidden behind that cold exterior and it hurt to know that she wouldn't allow him to encounter that again. He smiled briefly; waiting for her to speak and when she did after a short pause her tone was gentle and asking for understanding.

"Please don't be too harsh on Sam, he followed my orders."

He answered her just as soft and discrete. "Ma'am, with all do respect – I'd rather be informed next time when you decide to go out. It's my job to…"

"I know," she interrupted him and as in an assurance she reached out over her desk and placed her hand on his arm, her touch steady and warm. "But this was an exception." Her fingers seemed to embrace his arm, the warmth of her touch reached his skin through the cotton layer of his shirt and as wonderful as it felt, he pulled away from it and he cleared his throat doing so. Why he did it he wouldn't be able to explain, it was merely a useless attempt to keep things straight in his head. Avoiding her gaze, he didn't notice the glimpse of insecurity in her eyes when she realized that he was avoiding physical contact with her, neither did he feel that this little gesture caused her to put her wall back up.

He could only reluctantly respect her wishes regarding Sam, although deep down he felt the urge to swear loud and uncontrolled. Truth was that he had been worried to death about her ever since he found out that she had left the house late this afternoon. Something inside the blue depth of her eyes concerned him and he couldn't help watching her more than usual. Then for her to leave at an unexpected moment caused all kinds of wild assumptions and worried thoughts inside him. If it were anybody else he would have resigned right there but yet, as he watched her, he felt his anger slip away and all that was left was gratitude that she was safe.

"Did you enjoy yourself today?" he suddenly asked and gave her an inquiring look that she felt in her stomach. He was reading her again she realized and in response she took off her glasses.

"Yes it was… interesting. Joseph, I…we…" He raised a brow when she couldn't seem to finish her sentence because it was surprising to say the least. If there was anything Clarisse Renaldi never lacked it was fitting words for every occasion.

He couldn't even begin to imagine that right in front of him, the Queen of Genovia was reconsidering every letter of every word that she had rehearsed on her way home. Only an hour ago on the beach the whole world seemed to make perfect sense and now, as much as she tried to find her way back mentally, she couldn't seem to get a grip on her emotions. _"It is that easy, believe me". _She shook her head unintentionally in disagreement, it wasn't easy at all.

"You majesty?"

She stammered over her words and she scolded herself for it, this was so unlike her that it annoyed her. "What…time will Amelia be here for her dancing lessons tomorrow? You're still willing to teach her I assume?"

He didn't seem to catch her confused state of mind. "Sure, I said I would and I will. She'll have dinner here so you can teach her how to eat a salad proper remember? I planned on that?"

"Fine, thank you."

"Sure."

She heaved a sigh of frustration and silence fell upon the room again, the clock ruthlessly ticking away the awkward seconds. He simply waited for her to speak or end this conversation, he always did, and it's what everybody always did. She realized that this behaviour was a perfect example of good manners and etiquette that she always spoke so highly of. Nonetheless she wished he would break the wall of propriety between them and speak to her like an equal, yet she realized that neither this, nor any other outcome of it, would ever happen. Not unless she allowed him to.

After a little hesitation she spoke again, putting her hair back behind her ear before she crossed her arms. "Joseph, how long have we known each other?"

He smiled and echoed her pose, crossing his arms as well. "This fall it will be 22 years if I'm not mistaken."

She smiled too, tilting her head to gaze at the high ceiling of the library. "That's quite a while, isn't it?"

"Yes I would say so, I think that I lost every hair on my head in your presence," he chuckled and ran a hand over his smooth skin, relieved to see that she couldn't suppress a deep low laugh either. He loved that sound.

"And you pretty much witnessed the origin of every line around my eyes," she grinned, giving him a sideward glance.

His eyes twinkled as he nodded tentatively. "Few as there are."

She blushed slightly at his subtle compliment and then, after she took a deep breath, she found herself saying the words she had been repeating over and over in her car ride home. Now was just about as good a time as any.

"And yet, after all we went through, you still call me 'ma'am' and 'your majesty'.

He blinked surprised at her comment, for a moment taken aback by the meaning of her words.

"You've never told me to address you otherwise," he stated, tilting his head in disbelief and raising a brow.

She inhaled deeply before she could speak again. "I think I just did," she said softly, smiling at him from the safe distance behind her desk.

"I guess you did," he repeated, a silly grin appeared on his face and he cleared his throat. "So you mean…"

"I mean that, when we're in private, I want you to call me Clarisse." She smiled and in her mind echoed a snippet of a conversation on the beach. _"Just… Clarisse."_

Silence fell between them again and this time it wasn't awkward, there was just a meeting of eyes and a mutual feeling of understanding present. He simply nodded at her request and when she smiled in response, he could swear that he saw something of the real her behind the wooden shield that was her desk. Getting a glimpse at her inner self meant almost more to him than her subtle invitation to come a little closer.

"I would be honoured to, Clarisse," he said, tasting the sweetness of her name on the tip of his tongue.

She was filled with a pleasant sensation of relief that she had found the courage to soften things between them without losing her decorum. Maybe it was that easy after all.

She smiled one last time and sat down, opening one of the dozen files on her cluttered desk. "Good. Thank you, Joseph."

The hint was subtle but well heard and he took a few steps back, walking towards the door as he heard her putting on her reading glasses again. With the handle in his hand he turned around, glancing at her one last time before he would be forced to end this conversation.

"Clarisse?"

"Mmm?" She looked up over the rim of her glasses, her cheeks had gained a deep shade of pink and her eyes were warm, a sight that warmed his heart. He smiled.

"Don't work too hard."

With that he left the room and he never caught how she buried her face in her hands and moaned softly after the door swung shut. If he had, his smile would have been even bigger.

---------

"Darling?" Her voice pulled him out of his slumbering state of mind and he rubbed his painful back as he tried to sit up straighter. God he hated this hard couch and taking a nap on it didn't turn out to be the smartest thing to do.

"Oh, thank you honey," he yawned, gratefully accepting a glass of red wine and smiling at the woman who gave it to him.

"I'm glad you found your way back!" Catherine sat down at the other side of the soft blue couch in the centre of the hotel room and opened the magazine in her hands, playfully putting her cold bare feet on her lover's lap. She smiled when he reached out to warm them behind his hands and couldn't suppress a giggle when his fingers teasingly played with her toes. "Stop it, that tickles!"

"I always find my way back, I'm a guy," he muttered, now massaging both her feet and she closed her eyes at the contact. "Besides, you were having fun with my darling sister in law and you didn't look like you missed me." He ran a finger over the sole of her foot playfully.

She opened her eyes and chuckled. "Darling, believe me when I tell you that I always prefer you close. That is, if you stop tickling me!" She laughed out loud now, pulling back her legs abruptly. "I can't read if you do that! Please keep yourself busy, I only need a moment to finish this article."

He grinned and leaned over the coffee table to grab the newspaper that had been waiting for him all day. They stayed in bed for far too long that morning and they eventually had to hurry to reach his brother's house in time. It was a good excuse to be a little late, he had to admit. Fiddling with the pages he buried himself behind the paper, Catherine's feet were resting comfortably on his lap and his glass of wine was in hand's reach. And then it was silent.

After reading the headlines he turned the first page and for a moment he couldn't believe his eyes. "I'll be damned…" he said, folding the paper so he could concentrate on the article that captured his attention.

She didn't look up from her magazine but she caught his surprise nonetheless. "What is it?" she asked, "Someone escaped from Alcatraz again?" When he didn't answer she took off her reading glasses and leaned over to peek behind his paper. A big article about the royal family of Genovia covered the page, flanked by two small pictures. "Oh that's right," Catherine said, "your brother told me San Francisco has royal company this week."

"What the…" he kept gazing at the picture of the older lady and read the written words as fast as possible. "Queen Clarisse of Genovia…son of a..." He repeated her name over and over again, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I didn't know you were into royalty!" Catherine grinned as she studied his surprised face and sat back on her spot of the couch.

"I spoke with her today," he said, tapping on the picture with his finger. "I really did, she was at the beach!"

Catherine couldn't suppress a laugh. "Sure you did! I had a chat with Prince Charles over tea as well, come on Robert…" She shook her head.

He took off his reading glasses. "You don't believe me? She had her guards with her and everything, I brought back her scarf."

She emptied her wine glass and got up to move to the kitchen. "Her scarf? Really?"

"I'll be damned," he repeated, reading the article again and again. "Well at least now I understand why her guard kept looking at me, he probably thought I would assassinate his Queen or something!"

"You're lucky that he didn't assassinate you!"

"I guess so," he grinned and finally put down the newspaper to glance at his lady again. "Catherine…" he said, getting up with difficulty as he tried to keep his wine glass balanced.

"Mmm?" She grabbed a bag of potato chips out of a cabinet and read the ingredients, something she always did.

"I realized something today," he said and entered the kitchenette, moving behind her to wrap his arms around her waist. Right away she reacted and let go of the bag of chips, placing her hands on top of his arms, leaning her head back and welcoming his embrace. They both smiled.

"You did?" she asked softly, tilting her head so his lips could graze the sensitive skin in her neck. No matter how many times he did this, she would always melt in his arms and he knew it. "Not that you should have been King, we've been through that before."

"No not that, although it's the truth," he murmured, tickling the back of her ear with his tongue and he felt her shivering in his arms. "I realized how lucky I am to have you in my life."

With a smile she turned around and nestled herself in the safety of his embrace. "We're both lucky," she said softly and pressed a small kiss on the tip of his nose. "Come on King Robert, let's get to the royal bedroom."

-----------

Funny how little gestures can change into life altering events, funny how a casual talk can lead to exposing truths that aren't meant to be shared. Funny how a simple dance can change the relationship between two people.Those thoughts ran through her mind as she let herself float along with the melody and the man who was guiding her. But the second the music faded the cruel reality hit her, knocking her to her senses and she realized that she shouldn't have done it. With a pounding heart she stepped away from the warmth of his body, the smell of his cologne and the intensity of his eyes. _"Why not let him?"_ Again the words echoed loud in her mind and she shook her head fiercely, trying to get it out both her head and heart. She couldn't let him; she had other matters to deal with first, other business to handle and mostly other hearts to please.

Joseph cleared his throat and she froze when he spoke. "I'm sorry."

His words caught her off guard, the tone of his voice was polite and to an outsider it would sound sincere. Though, what should have comforted her suddenly annoyed her and her eyes met his again.

"Don't lie to me," she answered bluntly.

He blinked confused but he couldn't deny her accusation. "Very well, I'm not sorry," he said as he watched her crossing the room with her head held high. He shook his head; all he was trying to do was get her to open up a little, to show her that there was more to life than work and obligations. She had followed him hesitantly but smiling and it had felt like a relief; finally they could continue their friendship as it once existed. The friendship they both had been missing for quite some time. One night ago she had invited him by using the sweet power of her name; tonight he could only invite her back by using the sweet safety of music. And yet, as their feet followed the path that the song was guiding them to, suddenly things seemed to shift between them and by the looks of it she felt it too.

"What do you want from me?" she suddenly asked in a soft voice, staring at him straight now.

"I want you to realize that _you _arestill alive," he said calmly, walking towards her slowly, "I want you to realize that you're not alone."

She blinked. "But I am alone," she said and when he opened his mouth to react she raised her hand to stop him. She almost didn't recognize her own voice or the words she used but she found herself telling him what was inside her and she couldn't help avoiding his eyes. "When Rupert, and later Philippe died, everyone said they understood how hard it was, to know how I must be feeling. I didn't understand how this could be possible, I did not even know what I was feeling, or _if_ I was feeling."

He didn't respond or move a muscle, all he did was look at her and it was enough for her to keep on talking, the words kept coming anyway and she didn't even try to hold them back anymore.

"It seemed that someone was doing it for me, I lived, I planned, I went through motions but I did not really _feel_ anything during those weeks. I kept on going." She still didn't look at him but fiddled with the pages that lay motionless on the table before her. She had been working on them but she couldn't remember what they contained. She sighed deeply and finally looked up. "It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I realized that I thought I wasn't feeling because nobody really knew, nobody was supposed to know. That's what I mean by being alone Joseph."

He shook his head. "You're alone because you choose to be," he said softly. "Do you have any idea how many people are willing to help you? How many people care about you? How loved you are?"

She rolled her eyes. "They don't truly care Joseph, it's their job. They get paid to care." She gave him a sideward glance and the hint of sarcasm didn't escape his attention. "It's your job too isn't it? My head of security, my rescuer, my…" She shook her head and swallowed her sentence. Why was it so hard for her to admit?

"… Friend," he finished for her. "Clarisse, if you allow people, things might get…"

"… Easier," she finished for him and she smiled briefly before she picked up the papers and held them safely against her chest. "I know, I've been told."

With that she diverted her face and left the room, leaving her head of security behind. She kept repeating to herself as she made her way over to her private chambers, shaking her head over and over again: "Clarisse you coward."

_TBC...Have patience with me though. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks all, for your lovely comments. I'm back with an update and I'm sorry to say that I think this is will be the last chapter of this story. I enjoyed to write this one very much and I can only hope I give you just as much joy in reading it. If I made you happy with this story, please make me happy with a review. I can live on those for days. _

_  
Here we go; the next and last installment of_ **Two Worlds. **_Are you up for a little romance? ;)_

"Just a few more minutes Robert…we're almost there."

His knees protested as they climbed yet another hill and he frowned; wiping the sweat off his forehead. Why on earth they were walking to this event he would never understand but as it appeared, the woman always got her way. Catherine's heels clicked on the concrete in a cheerful rhythm, she didn't seem to be bothered by the warm temperature or the straining climb at all.

"Tell me why we're going again?" he muttered as she turned around to face him with a twinkle in her eyes, climbing backwards now.

"Because the UCSF Children's Hospital is one of the highest ranked pediatric centers in California, with more than 150 experts in 40 specialities providing care tailored for the developing minds and bodies of children and…"

"We're going sightseeing, got it," he interrupted and sighed with relief when they reached the top of the hill and found themselves at the gate of the University of San Francisco.

"Besides," Catherine said as they made their way over to the entrance, "the new heart and vascular Center opens its doors today and I know one of the cardiologists here I want to congratulate him."

"So I'll be on my own in a strange hospital wing with everybody staring at this weird invader?" he asked, "I can't wait!"

"They serve a mean steak at the restaurant," she said with a crooked smile.

His eyes lightened and put his arm around her. "Lead the way ma'am."

-----

She should have brought Mia to this event, but that History test she had to do was more important; she probably would attend more Grand Openings as time went by, it was part of every day life for a Queen. But this Queen could use a little diversion today though; maybe that way she wouldn't feel her headache that much. For now she was sitting in the conference room of the University, sipping tea that she rather didn't want to drink; she would never get used to American tea. She glanced at the clock and frowned, these things always took more time that she anticipated and she would probably be late for her conference call with the Prime Minister. After one more sip of the lukewarm fluid she gave up and left the tea for what it was; hearing a chuckle near the door while doing so.

"You want me to slip it into one of those rubber plants?" Joseph asked, moving forward to accept the cup from her. "They won't notice you know."

She laughed, she couldn't help it. "Don't let anyone hear you," she scolded, her eyes glittering.

He was about to comment on that when a loud knock on the door of the conference room got their attention and a tall man she recognized from earlier that afternoon entered, his movements hasty and a tad impatient. In response she got up and gave him a friendly nod , from the corner of her eye noticing that Joseph immediately straightened up and positioned himself next to her.

"Your Majesty, I'm very sorry about the delay but we're ready for you," the man said, gesturing at her so she would come along. "We're very grateful that you could make time in your busy schedule to attend our Grand Opening, it's an absolute honour to have you here at the University."

"Children are the future Mr. Smith, so it's my pleasure" she nodded, giving Joseph a sideward glance as her cup of tea mysteriously disappeared behind him. She grinned inwardly.

-----

"I didn't understand a word that man said, I'm not even sure he spoke English!" he frowned and yawned inconspicuously as Catherine stretched her neck to hear the rest of the speech.

"We'll be out of here in a little while; Cliff told me that they have a special guest to do the ceremony," she whispered and her eyes twinkled as she looked at him, "I think you will enjoy it."

He raised a brow and groaned approvingly, ignoring the annoyed glance of the woman in white next to him. "Oh, are you going up there?" he asked softly and wrapped an arm around his lady, pressing her a little closer against him. His breath stirred her hair as he pressed a kiss on her forehead. "You're better than any of these clowns anyway."

His last words faded out in the loud round of applause that filled the auditorium and he smiled as Catherine placed a finger against her lips and gestured with her head at the stage in the front of the auditorium. Just when he was about to ask her what on earth she was being so secretive about he caught movement on stage and the words escaped his lips before he knew it.

"I'll be damned."

Catherine chuckled and joined the round of applause as the guest of honour cut the red ribbon to declare the new Medical Center to be open. "Surprise darling!"

-----

Her head was pounding by the time she shook the hand of the last members of the Board and she rubbed her temple, smiling gratefully at Charlotte who handed her a glass of water and two aspirins. She avoided the gaze of her head of security who was standing close; she felt his concerned eyes burning in her neck as she turned around to swallow the painkillers. He was probably right, she shouldn't have come here but she couldn't have turned them down either; she had to pull through one way or the other. A wave of nausea shot through her as she closed her eyes for just a moment, until she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.

"Just a few more members of the medical staff Your Majesty, then we'll be on our way," Charlotte whispered, pressing her earpiece against her ear. "Joseph, this way."

Clarisse took a deep breath as she turned around to face the crowd again, camera's flashed in her eyes like an endless bolt of lightning and she managed to smile broadly at the reporters who were either calling her to get her attention or firing questions at her. The small pressure of a warm familiar hand on her back prevented her from being overwhelmed and she passed them; making her way over to the next group of honoured guests of this event.

A tall man in a white uniform waited patiently for her arrival, extending his hand with such enthusiasm that she couldn't suppress a chuckle.

"Your Majesty, it's such an honour to meet your acquaintance. Welcome to San Francisco! My name is Cliff Henderson, cardiologist."

"The pleasure is all mine Dr. Henderson," she nodded, her eyes sliding from his friendly face to the woman who was standing right behind him. There was something about the woman's curious eyes that caught her attention; as if she was studying her. Now the woman glanced aside for a quick moment and then smiled friendly at her again, Clarisse responded to the gesture and raised her brows at the friendly cardiologist. He hurried to help her out.

"May I introduce you to a very respected colleague of mine from Montreal, Dr. Catherine Howard?"

"Your Majesty, how nice to meet you." The woman smiled broadly now. She was about her age Clarisse couldn't help but notice.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Howard," Clarisse said, waiting for Dr. Henderson to step aside so she could shake the woman's hand. When he did she smiled politely, extended her hand and then, out of nowhere, it happened.

A tall dark man stepped into her sight and she swallowed, for a split second she let her hand fall but redeemed herself right away and shook Dr. Howard's hand. From the corner of her eye she studied him; he was wearing a suit and tie but she recognized his twinkling eyes and the amused mouth right away. As if he felt it, Joseph's hand returned on her back as her body seemed to freeze in that awkward moment.

"Good afternoon, Your _Majesty_," the man said with emphasis on the last word. When their eyes met she understood that he had recognized her as well. She swallowed with difficulty, out of everyone she had never expected to meet him again and to her horror she felt blood rushing to her cheeks. It took her a split second to decide how to handle this.

"Good afternoon sir," she answered and extended her hand, holding on to his stare, inwardly scolding herself for taking that awful risk that afternoon on the beach. Frankly, she would have given up her crown jewels if she could find a way to turn back time. His touch was warm and comforting and he smiled at her reassuringly or at least so it seemed; his eyes were still as warm and inquiring as she remembered them and suddenly she recalled why she had confided in him in the first place.

"Enjoy the rest of your stay in San Francisco ma'am," he said, narrowing his eyes at her exploring look. With those words he smiled one last time and turned around, extending his hand to the lady who had introduced herself as Dr. Howard. As she shook the hand of the next person, Clarisse stretched her neck to watch the two leave, the woman's hand was safely tucked in his, her head resting against his shoulder. Suddenly Clarisse heard his dark voice again, a faint echo in her mind. _"I know, I've been there." _As if he felt her glance, he turned his head and from across the room their eyes locked. Nobody but the two of them would begin to understand the brief smile they shared secretly at that moment, and nothing else mattered.

-----

The aspirins didn't seem to have any effect at all; her headache had only increased by the time they entered the Consulate again and she swallowed, trying to get a grip on her banging head. Oh she hoped she wouldn't come down with something; she had enough on her plate as it was and she couldn't afford to get sick right now.

"Your Majesty, is everything all right? Do you want your tea in your library?" Charlotte was still in her coat and already she was concerned about her needs; bless the woman.

"No thank you Charlotte, I need to step outside for a moment," she said, straightening her back as her assistant made her way over to her.

"With all due respect ma'am, you don't look like you're feeling well. Do you want me to page Dr. Winston?" Charlotte asked, her eyes sliding over the pale cheeks of the Queen and she frowned, she didn't like the sight of this at all.

Clarisse shook her head and waved away her concerns. "No need to, all I need is a little oxygen and I'll be fine," she said, allowing Charlie to take off her coat. She didn't even want the heavy fabric on her shoulders; all she wanted was to be left alone for a while.

The second she entered the dark area of the garden she knew that she made the right choice. She was overwhelmed by the sweet blending of the smell of countless roses, a scent so delicate that it topped every perfume money could buy. Closing her eyes she inhaled deeply and an approving moan escaped her lips, as she slowly found her way over the dark path that lead to the back of the garden. She rubbed her shoulder with one hand, hugging herself tight with the other as she let the sweet smell of roses calm her down. The nausea finally faded a little and she sighed in relief. Oh, she knew all too well why her head bothered her lately, she worried too much, she thought too much and she wanted too much at once.

With all her doubts concerning Mia, the worries about her country and its future and finally, her feelings concerning a certain security guard that had been occupying most of her dreams lately she didn't have much time to enjoy herself. She missed that really, she missed laughing out loud, she missed feeling the muscles in her stomach ache from giggling, she missed having fun and she missed… living. It felt like she didn't know how to do it anymore, as if she had misplaced the complicated manual of how to be Clarisse Renaldi instead of Queen Clarisse. She shook her head, had there ever been a Clarisse Renaldi anyway?

Almost hitting a brick that seemed to be part of a fountain in progress, she left the stone path and walked across the grass; finding the stone bench she enjoyed the most in this place. Inhaling even more deeply she felt the pain in her head decrease a little, the muscles in her shoulder finally eased up a bit and she sat down with a deep sigh. Here she was, at night in the dark, surrounded by hundreds of roses and she didn't feel happy. She shook her head, she should be ashamed of herself.

The breaking sound of a twig caught her attention and she looked up, not at all startled but instinctively knowing who it was. She should have known he would come out to check on her, his concerned eyes had been following her around all day. Things seemed a bit easier between them these last two days, at least they weren't so polite with each other anymore.

"Hello Joseph," she said softly, turning her head to smile at him. She couldn't even see his expression in the darkness; all she could see was his profile, but she felt his presence tingling in her veins, just like every other time they were alone.

"I'm sorry to disturb you," he said, putting his hands behind his back. He couldn't see her clearly, the high trees around the garden planted to block the press helicopters also blocked every stream of moonlight. It was high time this garden would be finished, the next day he would have to talk to Charlotte about it.

"You never disturb me," she said, nodding at him as he approached the bench to sit down with his back turned towards her. She inhaled deeply and felt shaky when she smelled his familiar cologne that momentarily beat the sweet aroma of the roses.

"How's your head?" he asked, tilting his own so he could look at her, a faint image in the heavy darkness.

"I'm fine," she answered, diverting her face.

Silence fell between them and Joseph folded his hands together, tapping his fingers impatiently. There were words to be said, things to be discussed and, probably, countless rules to be broken and yet he couldn't find it in him to step forward and actually do it. How could he break the wall of propriety, how could he break any wall that she had built up lately?

"Is everything arranged for the state dinner?" she asked and he blinked, for a moment taken aback by the serious tone in her voice.

"Yes I showed our young Princess how to descend a staircase," he nodded, briefly smiling at the memory of one of Mia's clumsy moments. "I think she's ready for it," he said, hearing how she sighed deeply.

"I hope so," she said and frowned, feeling how her head started to protest again.

There it was again, that long pause between their sentences. They were having a conversation but they didn't really _talk_;all they did was exchange information and it confused her and suddenly she felt a sting of sadness around her heart, this wasn't worth it.

"Joseph…"

"Perhaps…"

Their words came out simultaneously and she bit her lip, waiting for him to finish his sentence. It took only one glance at her for him to gather enough courage to do so.

"Perhaps it's time to be honest," he said softly, no longer looking at her but she never noticed that because she avoided him as well. Suddenly her heart was banging in her chest, her fingers stiffened and she had to close her eyes to swallow back the hint of panic in her throat.

"Perhaps it is," she said and her voice sounded hoarse, tired, he would even call it sad.

"A few days ago…" he started, folding his shaky hands together, "When you said that it was my job to care…"

"That wasn't fair and I shouldn't have said it," she hurried to say, she had felt so guilty afterwards but she hadn't found the courage to get back on it.

He shook his head fiercely. "No, you shouldn't have. You were wrong."

She sighed. "I know."

He pressed his lips together in frustration, waiting until she would say more but she didn't respond. All she did was stare at her entwined fingers and he echoed her pose until he sighed deeply, tilting his head to glance at her perfect profile in the darkness. All he could make out was her nose that made that wonderful curve at the end. "Clarisse, I…"

"When did it become this complicated?" she asked almost at the same time and glanced back at him, gauging his reaction.

He diverted his face and he was silent for a while, considering his answer. "For you or for me?"

She couldn't suppress a gasp as she felt her heart beating in her throat. She knew she should jump up and stop this conversation but she couldn't move a muscle. The words needed to be spoken out loud if they wanted to move forward. "You," she whispered, glancing at the dark sky above them. "When did you…," she swallowed, "…know?"

"Does that really matter?" he asked, hearing how fast she was breathing.

She closed her eyes, now she realized how warm they felt. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugged. "Because I had no reason to."

Silence fell upon the garden again as he listened to the wind blowing through the trees, a soft rushing sound that seemed oddly calm compared to their own shaky states of mind.

"I've been feeling…I feel…" she started suddenly, a whisper so soft that he had to listen very intensely to hear her. "You know it, don't you?" she asked, turning her face just a little. "You've known all along."

He cleared his throat and his stomach seemed to drop, a reaction so intense that it took his breath away and he could only nod. Yes he had known, maybe not consciously but he had felt it, he had seen it in her eyes in the few times she allowed him to look further. A realization so earth shattering that it had taken him months to recover. He still hadn't recovered completely really.

"You're my only friend Joseph," she whispered and he glanced at her, catching the suspicious glitter in her eyes, a glitter that slowly rolled down her cheek until she wiped it away.

He exhaled slowly and swallowed, finally shifting a little so his shoulder brushed hers just a little, feeling how she shivered at the contact.

"I intend to stay that way," he said softly and she shook her head slowly as if she hadn't heard him.

"I already lost a husband and a son. I can't loose you too, we can't…this can't…" her voice broke and she couldn't suppress a sob, a sound so soft but so heartbreaking that he had to bite his lip. He felt the urge to open his arms and pull her into them, yet he stayed where he was and just leaned a little more against her. He felt the same fear rushing through his body, he knew the same reasons why and the same reasons why it shouldn't happen. Oh he had known all along.

"You won't loose me. You have me," he murmured.

It was an odd realization to be there together with the man who occupied her dreams and thoughts and yet she felt more alone than ever. He was there, pressed against her and she felt his warmth invading her skin but she knew he was too far away as well. She knew they were making the right choice but the fear was high in her chest as she turned around to meet his gaze. As if he felt it he turned too, reaching out slowly to take her cold hands in his. Their fingers entwined there on that cold stone bench and she had to look very closely to study his expression; she wasn't sure that she wanted to see it though.

"Do you trust me?" he asked softly, rubbing her cold palm with his thumbs.

She could only nod, holding on his touch with a frustration that he felt as well.

"Can I trust you?" he continued.

Her head shot towards him and her eyes widened when she realized that not once had she stopped to place herself in his shoes. It was always about her, her needs, her fears, her dreams, her hopes and she blushed deeply as she stared at him. Thank God for the heavy darkness that surrounded them. "Trust me with what?" she whispered, tears forming.

"Promise me that you'll try to live your life again," he said, gently squeezing her palm.

She swallowed, feeling his words shooting through her body. "I promise," she whispered.

He shook his head, pressing her hand once more. "You're making yourself sick. Mia needs you…"

"I know," she sighed and attempted to smile bravely but it faded out as he finished his sentence.

"… And so do I."

With that he lifted their entwined hands and very careful and gently he pressed a loving kiss on her palm, closing his eyes doing so. She just looked at his movements and her stomach dropped when she felt the gentle pressure of his lips on her skin. "I'd better go," he murmured against her palm.

"You'd better go," she nodded and he released her reluctantly, lifting himself from the bench and brushing his coat.

"Goodnight Clarisse."

She smiled and he never witnessed the tears that welled up in her eyes as he walked off, her shoulders slightly jolting in the dark solitude of her garden. "Goodnight Joseph."

"I'm telling you she recognized me," he said again, digging his feet deeper in the lukewarm sand.

"I have to admit that she looked at you rather funny," Catherine nodded and laughed as he suddenly stopped so she came to a halt as well.

"You don't believe me?" he asked with a warning look on his face.

"Of course I believe you, I'm sure you made a lasting impression on her," she smiled, her eyes glittering. "You have that effect on women you know."

"Is that a fact?" he grinned, reaching out so she came to lean against him, her arms immediately wrapping around his neck.

She nodded, nuzzling his nose. "That's a fact. You are a very attractive man."

He planted a small kiss on the tip of her nose, biting it teasingly. "And you're a very sexy lady."

"Thank you for the analysis," she grinned and made an attempt to release him but he never allowed her, holding on to her waist just a tad longer.

"I'm not done yet."

She raised an eyebrow at this, tilting a brow at his serious tone. "What is it love?"

His hands slid up and came to a stop when he reached her face, cupping her warm cheeks with both hands. "I realized that I gave someone a piece of advice that I should follow up myself." He could count the little freckles on her forehead as he leaned in to place a single kiss on her lips. "So I decided to act on it right away."

"What kind of advice?" she asked, narrowing her eyes when he seemed to be a little nervous.

"To take every chance for happiness," he said.

She tilted her head and finally her eyes widened as he reached out to his pocket and took a step back. With a painful grimace he kneeled down, extending his hand so he could touch hers. In his other he held up a little red velvet box, containing the most beautiful ring she had ever seen; it sparkled brightly in the late afternoon sun. Her eyes slid from the open box to the sincere face of the kneeling man in front of her.

"Catherine, will you marry me?"

Tears were forming and she could only nod, seeing vaguely how he slowly pulled out the ring and slid in on her finger.

Before she knew it she was in his arms and she nestled against him. feeling how he held on to her for dear life, hugging her closer than ever before and finally swaying her around. She gave into it, happy tears rolled down her cheeks and he kissed the saltiness away. "Take me home," she whispered breathlessly, placing little kisses on every inch of bare skin she could find.

"Our home," he nodded. Happiness was indeed right around the corner.


	4. Chapter 4

He slammed the door shut as he entered the Consulate, immediately finding his way towards the library. It did not go very well; yet it wasn't a complete disaster either. Mia caused a chain reaction of bad fortune but she had also lightened up what could have been a very dreadful evening. In the car ride home she hadn't said much and he had given her that space; sometimes one didn't have to talk to come to terms with something, he had joked a little and she had given him a small smile and that was it. When he stepped around the corner he almost ran into Charlotte, her remarkable balance actually prevented them both of them getting burnt.

"That was close," he grinned, wiping his forehead.

"Are you on your way to see her? Would you take her tea with you?" Charlotte was always in a hurry these days, the woman kept on running actually. He wondered if she felt it too, if she knew that the Queen was going through more turmoil than anyone was allowed to know.

"Yes she wanted me to report on Mia, I'll give it to her," he nodded, accepting the tray and waiting for Charlotte to vacate the hallway.

As he knocked her door gently with his foot he heard her hum of approval and entered, opening the door with his elbow.

"Tea ma'am," he said, frowning when he noticed the activity in there. She was sitting behind her desk, talking on the phone that seemed to ring non stop and on her cluttered desk the work was piled up. Charlie was running around her, closing drapes, lighting candles and fiddling with the flowers that seemed to be everywhere in the library.

The Queen had changed into comfortable slacks and a simple white sweater but she looked pretty, at least she had gained a little colour since the night before.

"Thank you," she mouthed as he placed the tray in front of her and beckoned him to wait as she finished her phone call.

He simply sat down on her soft couch and picked up a magazine she had been reading earlier, frowning at Charlie who didn't need more encouragement and left the room. It didn't take her long to finish her call and put down the phone, leaving the room in a peaceful silence.

"You're a life saver," she sighed, getting up to pour a steaming cup of tea. "Do you want some?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Tea is not exactly my…" he grinned, "…cup of tea."

"How is she?" Clarisse suddenly asked and her face shifted into that worried expression again, the expression he didn't want to see this evening.

"She's all right," he said, "it wasn't easy for her but she will get there. These dinners aren't easy for such a young girl."

"I remember my first dinner, it was a disaster," Clarisse nodded, adding a little milk to her tea and taking the cup with her to the couch. She sat down next to him, nothing in her manner indicating that she felt uncomfortable to have him there. He wondered if she felt the same sensation of relief as well, now they had been open and clear with each other, there were no hidden meanings anymore. They could even chat, or so it seemed.

"So there were grapes everywhere hm?" he asked, chuckling at the image. He was glad that he wasn't supposed to attend every dinner because he would be bored to sleep after two hours.

"I even found one squished under my shoe," she smiled. "Gladly people could laugh about it, I won't be too harsh on her tomorrow I think." She placed down her cup on the table in front of her and lifted her hand, rubbing her painful shoulder almost subconsciously.

"Wise choice," he nodded and glanced aside, catching her frown as she tilted her head. "Does that still hurt?"

"I'm fine Joseph," she said once again, releasing her shoulder right away. She actually meant it, her headache had been less today but the muscles in her shoulders and neck still protested when she was tired.

"You should see a doctor about this," he urged.

"It's getting less already, I just need to…" she said, rolling her neck.

"You're being stubborn," he frowned.

"You're being pushy," she responded quickly and reached out to her shoulder again, rolling the sore muscle between her fingers.

"Do you realize it that by pushing the blood in the direction of your head, that you'll only cause more damage?" he asked, getting a little impatient now. "At least roll it the other way, in the direction of your heart."

For a second he hesitated but he reached out and placed a hand on the painful place, freezing when he felt her gracious bones under his touch. "Is it this muscle? What kind of pain is it?"

She looked up, feeling the warmth of his hand burning on her skin and she couldn't help it but she leaned into it; welcoming the soft squeeze of his fingers. "Is there more than one pain?" she asked, a small smile tugging her lips. She didn't know if it was the glass of wine she had drank during dinner or the fact that Mia's first dinner seemed to have worked out after all – all she knew that she was actually in a good and strangely relaxed mood and she relished it. Her heart was calming down now, getting used to the strange feeling of his hands on her and she avoided his serious eyes.

He kept massaging the muscle, feeling how she resisted less as the seconds went by. "Yes there's burning pain, stinging pain, throbbing pain…'

"I see," she said and cleared her throat as she realized how hoarse she sounded. His soft touch actually seemed to relax her shoulder and she went along with it, sighing deeply. "I guess it's a nagging, heavy sort of pain. My arms feel like lead sometimes."

"You work too hard," he stated, shifting so he could use his other hand too.

"Comes with the job," she responded and closed her eyes as the rubbing went on, tilting her head a little so he could reach the really painful spot halfway across her neck.

Silence fell as he focussed on her shoulder but it only took him a few seconds to get distracted by what he glimpsed just beyond his moving hands. Her eyes were closed and her lips curved into a relaxed and easy smile, her skin seemed to be glowing more than it had in days. Her head rested against the back of the couch now, her skin became warmer and softer as he kept on stimulating the muscles underneath and he allowed his fingers to explore. Her breathing was steady and deep, her chest calmly rising and falling and her hands were relaxed on her lap, not even folded but steady on her stomach. Her sweet smell reached his nose as she tilted her head just a little more, giving him all the access he needed. He could have handled this all if she hadn't moaned softly as his fingers increased the pressure. As if something had stung him he released her, breaking the spell in a split second and he got up. Her eyes were wide open now, staring at him with a confused expression on her face.

"I should go," he said shortly, turning around because he couldn't look at her anymore. She would surely see the desire in his eyes, she would see how desperate he was to kiss those soft lips and mostly, how much he longed to hold her.

As he moved to the door that would carry him out to the common world again she blinked fiercely, suddenly filled with a sensation of panic that shot through her body. She couldn't let him leave – not now. It all happened in the few seconds he was walking; the words sounded clear in her head. _"All you have to do is take it…let him…it's that easy…"_ In a flash she saw the happy faces of the couple that walked off today, holding hands, smiling and together in every sense of the word. _"I've been there…" _She took a step forward, her mouth suddenly as dry as paper. _"All you have to do is take it…take the happiness…"_

"Joseph…"

His hand froze on the handle; he had heard her say his name so many times before but never in this hoarse, slightly nervous and desperate tone. As if in slow motion he turned around; simply taking in the image that unfolded before his eyes. She was standing next to the couch; her fingers were entwined and moved constantly. He just looked at her, waiting, observing and reading her expression – and finally it dawned on him what she was about to say. He felt her words already shooting through his body even before she opened her mouth to speak; she took two careful steps in his direction, her eyes filled with an emotion that he'd never seen in her before. She came to a stop when he couldn't find the courage or the words to speak first and after a long pause she shook her head slightly.

"Don't make me say it…"

The three seconds it took him to catch his breath seemed to last three long hours; her heart started banging in her chest and her stomach was tying itself into knots. Suddenly it seemed like she watched this scene from above; the trembling legs underneath her didn't seem to belong to her body and the stiff entwined fingers felt like they were someone else's. But when he finally spoke the reaction in her body was so powerful that she could only accept that this was in fact happening to _her_.

"I think you just said all you need to say."

She couldn't move and she couldn't respond; all she could do was watch him come closer with her breath high in her chest and a heart that leaped from anticipation. Outside the doors of her office the maids were cleaning up the dining room and the world kept on turning but here, time seemed to stand still as he approached her calmly.

He didn't speak, he didn't have to. The look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know; the slightly parted lips and the sigh of nervousness that escaped her explained what was happening inside her and he could only react to that by placing his hands on both her shoulders.

Carefully he slid his hands down her arms and she felt the trail on her skin like a rich warm fluid. His eyes had an expression that she recognized and it filled her stomach with butterflies; he was looking at her with eyes of a man who desired a woman – there was no doubt anymore; this man desired her. His touch was steady and secure, a strange contrast to her own shaky and fragile emotions and she breathed out through her mouth; his face was so close, so wonderfully close that an explosion of tingles shot through her body. He invaded not one but all her senses; she felt his breath tingling on her face, she heard the rushing sound of his shirt as he slid his hands even lower to encircle her waist and she smelled his scent, that wonderful masculine spicy scent that she knew so well.

Her eyes slid from the comforting warmth of his eyes to the sensual promise of his lips and then back again, already touching him with a delicacy that took his breath away and made his heart pound even harder. Leaning in a little closer he felt how their breaths blended and he heard her soft gasp as their lips made contact, both their eyes closing instinctively. The touch was soft and careful, barely noticeable and as light as a feather, he simply caressed her trembling lips with his own, feeling how she opened them slightly with her breath shaky and uncontrolled. Their lips barely brushed each other; a touch so delicate like a soft summer breeze. He didn't push her, he didn't take over their embrace but he opened his eyes and pulled back just a little, breaking the fragile contact reluctantly.

"We shouldn't do this, I shouldn't…" she whispered and diverted her face but she didn't pull back, neither did she push him away. Her trembling hands climbed up his chest instead, feeling his heart beating fast underneath the soft black cotton of his shirt. Her fingers gripped his collar and then finally, after what seemed an eternity, she lifted her face towards him and she drew a shaky breath as their eyes locked. "Joseph…"

Hearing her whisper his name pulled him over the edge, his hands that were placed safely at her side now steadily found their way up to her back, pulling her even closer to him and after just one more second of reconsideration he crushed his lips on her; gratefully feeling how she came alive against him.

There was no way back anymore, she melted against his lips and felt his arms stroking her back, climbing higher until he reached her neck, steering their kiss in a direction she had dreamed of for so long. She leaned into him, letting her restless hands climb up too, touching his cheek as their kiss suddenly deepened. His mouth was warm, his taste faintly familiar but yet oh so new, taking her and everything about her inside him and she responded just as eagerly to his touch. Their lips got more demanding as the kiss lengthened, their touches stronger and more possessive and his lips moved against hers with such masculine strength that her legs buckled underneath her.

Her hand slid from his warm cheek to the back of his head. Her pulling him just that much closer was all that was needed to make him groan, and in reaction to that, she moaned softly. It was then that she realized that no matter what would happen between them, she would never forget this wonderful moment in time, she would never forget the most loving and wanting kiss she had ever experienced. She would never, ever, forget her Joseph.

"Oh my god," she breathed as they broke their kiss but she didn't open her eyes; she didn't want to break the spell by facing the true world again. "Oh Joseph…"

He couldn't release her just yet; he kept placing little butterfly kisses on the corner of her mouth, on the soft centre of her upper lip, on the perfectly shaped chin and then all over again. She leaned into his caresses, waiting for more, accepting everything he was offering her. Deep inside something was brought to life and it startled her how intensely her body reacted to him, how passionate a kiss could be. It seemed surreal.

"Christmas day, fifteen years ago," he murmured, finally tearing his lips away from hers. "We danced that day."

Her eyes reluctantly opened and she met his eyes again, his familiar eyes were only inches away from her and he just looked at her, eyes filled with that one special expression that was only meant for her to see. She placed her hand against his cheek again, stroking his five o'clock shadow with her palm.

"I remember," she whispered and swallowed, feeling his arms encircle her waist and she rested her forehead against his cheek, shaking her head ever so slightly. "That's a long time to wait around."

He shrugged. "It was worth it."

Suddenly a sting of sadness shot through her, realizing how much precious time was lost already. "Did this really happen?"

He chuckled softly; slipping a warm hand behind her neck and he felt the softness of her hair tickling between his fingers. "I would say so," he murmured and he pulled back his head a little to read the expression on her face. "Are you sorry it happened?"

Her answer came quick and spontaneous and it relieved him. "No. Are you?"

He simply shook his head.

"We're in trouble now aren't we?" she sighed, once again noticing how soft and warm his touch was, his crawling fingers in her neck made her shiver. She swallowed, she could still taste him on the tip of her tongue and it overwhelmed her.

"We're always in trouble," he shrugged, pulling her a little closer again. "Comes with the job," he murmured, nuzzling her nose.

She laughed, a wonderful deep, low and naughty laugh that warmed his heart. He leaned in again, wanting to pull her closer to feel and taste her once more but she pulled back a little and avoided his lips, her eyes serious but warm. "We're taking a huge chance, you know that," she said softly, her eyes narrowing. "How will this ever work? It won't be easy, are you sure we should let this happen?"

He swallowed when he saw the sudden dark glow in her eyes, for a split second that familiar hint of fear shone through again and he lifted his hand, putting a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her sheer beauty overwhelmed him, her sweet scent took control over his senses again and he pressed his lips together. "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel," he murmured, stroking the soft skin of her cheek with just one finger.

Her eyes softened and her lips parted, tilting her head just a little so he could lean in again and this time she didn't stop him. The road ahead seemed full of obstacles but right there, right then she only wanted to feel him. And nothing else mattered.

_**The end.**_

_So close, no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
and nothing else matters..._

Metallica


End file.
